• Lvxferre@mander.xyz
    60·
    3 months ago

    I’m going to be a lich.

    I get the keep my mind and memories, so I’m not some dumb zombie going babbling “brrrrlll” here and there, seeking brains. I’m fairly powerful so I can pull out my own weight, enough to become the necromancer’s right arm. And if it comes to the worst I can always backstab the necromancer and become the boss, as typically lichs have their own necromancy.

    • Zonetrooper@lemmy.world
      20·
      3 months ago

      Objectively the best answer. Plus, as long as you hide your phylactery well, there’s not much the necromancer can do to keep you in line.

      • Lvxferre@mander.xyz
        14·
        3 months ago

        I’d expect my phylactery to be with the necromancer at the start, for exactly this reason. So I think that a lot of my job in my first days [years?] as an undead is to get their trust so I can: replace my phylactery with a copy, hide the original, and proclaim my independence.

          • Lvxferre@mander.xyz
            3·
            3 months ago

            Yeah. I wish that my phylactery was just “hide it somewhere and pretend that it doesn’t exist”, but bloody Light doesn’t let me have my way, got to write a name every 13 days.

      • holgersson@lemm.ee
        6·
        3 months ago

        Do souls have sizes, like “you need at least the soul of a medium sized dog or pig”?

        Because if every soul is worth equally much, just set an anthill on fire and be done for the foreseeable future.

        Of course, as your next course of action, you should make up for the damage done to your local eco system, but that should be doable within the powers and lifespan of a lich.

    • x4740N@lemm.ee
      3·
      3 months ago

      Can liches shape-shift, if so I want to become one so I can swap my bodies sex

      • Lvxferre@mander.xyz
        2·
        3 months ago

        Probably, given that they’re good spell casters. You could for example cast “alter self”, and look like your desired sex. The main problem is that those spells are typically short-lived, they last minute~hours, so after the time ends you’re again a skeleton or decaying corpse.

  • Thelsim@sh.itjust.works
    50·
    3 months ago

    A vampire. Since it’s a necromancer raising me, instead of another vampire, I won’t be enthralled and will have free will.
    Then there’s all the wonderful abilities and the fact that I’ll still look good for an undead (it’s a pretty movie vampire, not one of those creepy ones)

  • emax_gomax@lemmy.world
    16·
    3 months ago

    So any animal is fair game? In which case, dodo. You MFs ate us into oblivion, I’m gonna come back with species worth of pent up rage and an undead thirst for blood.

    Edit: in retrospect I now realise a dodo would be super easy to send back to the underworld :-(. I’m gonna be… checks deadliest thing notes, a car.

  • SavvyWolf@pawb.socialEnglish
    14·
    3 months ago

    I know it’s probably too on brand, but maybe some kind of monstrous wolf hell beast thing. Maybe with a skull as a head and dripping flesh.

    If I’m going to be a mindless killing machine, may as well have some fun with it. Better than being a slow shambling skeleton or zombie at any rate.

  • BattleGrown@lemmy.worldEnglish
    12·
    3 months ago

    I’ll be that guy, and say abomination. The more twisted the better. Like a mouth in my belly, extra arm on my back kind of twisted. I’ll learn to enjoy striking terror in my victims’ hearts. Afterlife will be dope.

  • collapse_already@lemmy.mlEnglish
    11·
    3 months ago

    Lich. The power that other famous examples like Darth Cheney and Henry Kissinger had is just too tempting.

    • rhsJack@lemmy.world
      2·
      3 months ago

      But that is what the Good News™ is all about for the evangelicals! He is already HERE! Parts of him are probably fossilized or petrified by now. And the rest of him is just dust. And dust never goes away. Why, I might even have a particle of Jesus dust in my yogurt right now! Halleluhah.