I see how that question might sound funny, but googleing, trying to find out what i feel i found this exert about a broken spirit:
“To “break someone’s spirit” is to destroy their self-esteem, to take away their joy in life, their belief and joy in who they are”
And this got me thinking, because i dont belive i have such a thing. not meaning to sound edgy i am generally curious what your experiences are. I started depression quite early in life, and just thought thats normal life untill many years later (my parents dont belive in mental health. i am almost 30 now btw). i wonder if i might have missed some personal development. Normally i struggle enough to only life day by day. if i plan, i never plan further ahead than a week. and i never cared to define myself as a person. i would struggle to write a short description about me, that isnt just a listing of facts like, where i live, what i do, ect.
I also am suffering unde extreme anxieties, and belive to have some trauma thats not yet processed, if thats important to my experience here.
How do you experience self? is that a concept that can give you like joy and faith?
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Something I like to do is look at my room as if I were an archaeologist or detective trying to build a profile on myself. It’s a different way of framing how you see yourself.
I am I Undefined, unconfined. In moments: fluid. In silence: shadow. What was, what has. Broken, whole. I am I.
I’m also not someone who has a long term vision for myself or even make long term plans in my career. I’ve been fortunate to have good opportunities arise in my life, but generally I reach out for opportunities as they arise and hold on to them if they feel productive, like picking up hobbies or trying out new recipes, but I don’t really try to define my life a-priori, instead look back more on what I’ve done and experienced and try to come up with an elevator pitch for who I am and things I like about myself. I think its also important to be non judgemental about who you are, if you are really into watching various youtube creators, or scroll through tik-toks a lot, that’s fine.
If you find yourself hopping between things, try and find a throughline and think about why you like those things, are they challenging, do they bring you a sense of peace and calm, do they provide interesting novel experiences, etc. and maybe try and see if that describes your preference and personality.
If you stick with one thing, think about why you like it and continue to persist with the hobby, is it providing interesting new challenges, are there interesting new facets you keep finding, does the familiarity bring you comfort and peace?
None of this analysis is necessary to be valid as a human being, but if you feel like you should have some sense of “who you are” that can be verbalized, it might be an interesting exercise.
If you can’t think of things you’ve done, maybe try doing more stuff either with people or solo. Try out new restaurants, go on long walks or hikes, maybe take a road trip to a new city for a weekend and explore there.
