I’ve been feeling suicidal lately but I legit can’t tell anyone in my life, I have many reasons why, firstly im transgender, and while I’m on hrt i still look very unattractive and no where near where I want to look, this has unfortunately resulted in me not getting a ton of affection or luck in dating and it sucks. I feel really lonely. Im currently living with some friends that I love dearly but I know the love is one way. They are my friends but they are closer to each other than me, im at that point still where it would be highly inappropriate to talk about any of my problems with them. Even if they had a sinking feeling i was gonna do something they wouldn’t stop me i don’t think I don’t mean this in a rude way it’s legitimately no one’s job to stop me. My financial situation is suffering. Im about 2.6k in debt and while that isn’t a lot for some, I don’t have a job. I’ve applied to literal a 100 jobs all of them dont call back, or I got declined. The debt grows every month since i need to buy hrt or i will only get worse mentally. I’ve been feeling like I’ll never find love, I’ll never look how I want, I’ll never have a job. Its also I’ve some funky medical stuff unrelated to anything and I need to get it checked out but again I have zero money so I push it to the back burner. If it was something serious I would just jump anyway. I also keep making little social mistakes which result in being minorly corrected and my RSD gets triggered and I hate myself. I just wish I could break down crying and tell someone I legit have had night where I was so close to doing it. So many of these nights.
Idk if I’m the right one to help here…
But don’t take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe the 101st job will come through. Maybe your new bff is going to appear tomorrow. Idk.
The thing I do know is that nothing is permanent. Good or bad. Except death. Options are spiraling out into the future in front of you and this, too, shall pass.
Appreciate your past self - they overcame a lot to get you here.
Forgive your current self - they’re doing their best in trying times.
And trust your future self to make the best of what times come next.
Couldn’t have said it better.
Tell someone in your non-online life how you’re feeling, before it’s too late. In nearly every country, there is a free, confidential suicide helpline and you can call them about anything, whenever you want. In the US, just as an example, there’s Hopeline: 1-800-442-4673 You can talk 24/7 to a kind person who’s happy to listen to you. The volunteers on any of these services can refer you to mental health help and some of it may be subsidized or deferred payment. You are valuable, you matter. Maybe it’s time to ask for help in person. You could even summarize it that way, if you need to: “I am valuable, I matter, I need help now. I am thinking about suicide. I need you to listen to me.”
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do the next small thing that is right for you.
