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Maybe looking up? Afraid to jinx it but these critters I’m staying with seem to have expectations compatible with I can do. I don’t think I’ve actually relaxed yet, but, well, y’know, maybe there’s a chance I can start living here. Also they have more time to chat and hang out and even go with me to places sometimes 😅 Ooo, just remembered there’s orange juice in the fridge 😅 Couldn’t find any Simply Mango at the shop though v.v Grr-hmph.
Anyway I’m doing better. Haven’t had any panic attack thingles, haven’t even fallen off’ the bed. Nervous about life but there’s been a little progress and maybe a chance at more. Hoping Duluth has what I need 😅 Rough if it doesn’t. Oh, ordered a Tello SIM card. Phone started working sometime on the first, which is when I was headed up here so Idunno if something in Minne (which is a cute name so I like calling it that :P ) was blocking my phone or it was some kinda roaming thing or just they had blocked me but that expired or what, but I’m not looking to play that game again so I’m getting my own phone service. Cheap, shitty phone service but shouldn’t leave me stranded because some assholes in Oklahoma did something or didn’t do something or just the phone got locked off 'cause I was out of state too long or whatever happened rantble! Bought a bunch of crappy food because it’s easy for me and I mostly won’t feel like I’ll have to ask anycritter anything and I have somewhere to put it and someway to carry it (was driven there, no six-bags-on-a-bus mess >.<; ) and an expectation that I’ll likely still be here to use it all. I think that probably means something 😅 Maybe I’ll even make it to the bus stop (and Taco John’s!! 😻 ) soonish.
Aaany-anyway! I have a lil hope now I think. Am not expected to have everything solved by next week, so I can get some things done when it works for me rather than getting practically nothing done because it’s got to all be settled and I can’t. Idunno what all that stuff up there is about but wiggles maybe-okayly!
i only glanced at the threads on this situation but i’m glad to see the escape has worked/is working out. good tidings to the future.
Glad to hear you’re doing better!! I hope you can get some relaxing time in
Got sick and lost my girl voice :(
woke up to sepfem rhetoric being perpetuated by a prominent trans woman online and felt sick to my stomach so i guess i’m not eating today ✌️
sends headpats and huggles and muffins (apple cinnamon and/or lemon poppyseed!)
(Also could somecritter tell me what “sepfem” means <.<)
a concept of radical feminism, feminist separatism, believes in reshaping society to separate women from men. it may sound good on paper but so much falls in the margins beyond man and woman that i don’t understand how the separation is supposed to be enforced. would i be accepted but misgendered, or would my identity be respected but i have to be ousted?
i’m just so tired of being perceived as dangerous based on (part of) my gender.
These are the same people who would probably scoff at countries who do have almost complete separation of men and women (especially before marriage). Such a bullshit ideology they espouse.
I must ask how that sounds good even on paper.
mainly i meant the “on paper” bit towards anyone with a particularly overblown hatred of men, which feels like a lot of people i know. i rebuke it.
anyway i ate some raisin toast. i always forget about nausea from hunger.
Weird thought, I don’t think I’ve ever had raisin toast. Which is weird because I really like raisins (oatmeal raisin best cookie, I will fight over these brown sugary chewy delights with juicy bits)
i would certainly never turn up my nose at an oatmeal raisin cookie, so i will just say “correct”.
Three and a half weeks into HRT and my nipples hurt. But I’m so happy about it.
Second-false-spring has left and it is now firmly “summer” here (consistent 80+ degree weather is summer as far as I’m concerned). I hate heat, but am now curious about the concept of sun dresses (they look light and flowy. And breezy. Long, LOOONG way off from trying that on tho 😅)
Life is life-ing. Pondering if a new mattress is worth a setback in saving up/paying off credit card. Current one is old as hell, and is bowing out at the sides. Maybe I’ll just set aside some money each paycheck and go for it in a month or two.
Murphys Law likes to aim for the wallet.
Sends huggles and muffins :3 🫴 🫂 🧁
Mmmm, muffins…
Ughhh same with the weather here
Worst part is its hot AND humid, and intermittently raining, but not raining enough to cool it down.
Got my parkrun time under 30 minutes again, for the first time in 4 years. That was a good feeling
hey congrats, that’s amazing!
I’ve been on-call for work this week and I’m fuckin’ tired. 😩
Consciousness is overrated, embrace the SLEEEEEEP (if you can. I’ve known plenty of military folks who can sleep anywhere, including standing up 😅 do it right and nobody notices)
Unfortunately I work business hours and have a 90-minute commute, so I can’t sleep in past 6am anymore. 😭
Oof, that sucks for commute, is that just one way?
Early is no stranger to me (military brat and fed employee, everything starts at 0700 or earlier) but I’m guessing business hours runs fairly late 🫤
Yup! I fuckin’ hate it. XD
Been feeling a little bit weird gender-wise the past couple days. Yesterday especially was a “butch” day for me, spent a lot of time working in the garden in my overalls, talked to my neighbor in boy-mode. I can’t bring myself to tell them I’m transitioning because they’re a right-wing sovereign citizen and I think it would probably kill an otherwise cooperative and amicable relationship (don’t exactly want to feel unsafe in my own home). Still, it’s getting harder to hide my breasts and my face is obviously different after almost 5 months of HRT.
Managed to get my name changed with my employer after getting my updated social security card. Mailed off my passport and waiting for that.
Also learned that my state recently passed legislation that prevents me from updating my gender marker on any legal forms of ID, so I won’t be able to update my gender marker on my driver’s license. I think it’s probably illegal and there is already a lawsuit by the ACLU, so I’m basically just waiting for the litigation to overturn the new law.
Otherwise I have unprecedented amounts of energy and ability to handle stress. I’ve been baking a lot for other people, and going to a lot of social events, even opting to go to social events on my own (something I have never done in my life; I only have ended up in social situations through obligation and pressure from others in the past). Life is really different on estrogen, much better than I could have anticipated.
Although I’m far from dealing with my trauma the main causes of it are quickly disappearing
