Heyuh, any hot tips on how I can get the hell out of this abuse house? BioParents have decided that one “no” is far too many and they’ve decided to try to break into my room. They’re yelling a bunch of bullshit and telling me to get out but also they’re trying to work out how to break into my room?!
I’m in rural northeastern Oklahoma; I’ve got a bit of money (assuming they don’t rob me of that somehow) but no real means of supporting myself because I’m autistic and agoraphobic in the middle of nowhere, relying on them for everything. I’ve finally got just a little bit of help (some medications at least, nothing fancy) and it’s just too little too late I guess.
tl;dr: BioParents threatening, bullying me. Need some kind of lasting escape, need help creating my own life if such thing is possible. Need to never be here again.
Edit: Sorry, I’m a bit scattered. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. Couldn’t find anywhere that is. Also I may lose “their” Internet connection because cutting me off from help is totally not abusing me but actually a reasonable way for them to “take back their property” (they want all of my keys as part of throwing me out, I’ve never been able to deal with confrontation and they know it… blah blah BS). May be able to use my phone… ugh.
Edit 2: They called the cops on me.
Edit 3: The guy with the Punisher tat explained that no one had done anything wrong but they can’t throw me out without going through the eviction process. BioMom has been through that process before (she used to run an apartment complex!) so she damn well knew she couldn’t do that, and that the cops wouldn’t help her unless they were just hardcore transphobes who’d just as soon shoot me. No shock to me, the only logical reason she called them was to bully me harder or just get me killed.
Edit 4: Night now, managed a kitchen+toilet trip. Didn’t get thrown directly into jail nor “institutionalized” for daring to disobey my dear sweet loving and supportive (sarcasm) mother and her imaginary right to invade every detail of my life. Still don’t know where to go. I’m too old for many things, too young for others. Kinda afraid (ashamed?) to even try to contact any kind of shelter because like… they’ve got a handful of rooms and I’m gonna ask for one because I’m a thirty-something loser who’s broken and getting thrown out? They made me broken and they’re throwing me out for trying to keep one single detail of my life from her but… damn, is that really fair to ask, when others have been through so much worse? Besides, probably nowhere has any space available, so I’ll just be stressing over a phone call or whatever and get nothing from it but more stress. FML, wish I’d been born to an actually decent family or not at all. (Edit 4b: No-go on the whole family/friends thing.)
Edit 5: Still alive! Feels like none of this is even real, like I must’ve just dreamed it all. I think it’s this room messing with my head, like nothing can ever change. Am just yapping I guess 🤷 (Edit 5b: Oh, edits count as bumps. Sorry >.<; )
Edit 6: Now BioMom’s lashing out at BioDad too. Apparently she’s going to take us to hell with her when/after(?) she dies. What the actual fuck. Anyway, in case he comes and kills me I’d like to mention that the new name I’ve been flirting with is Keris. Nocritter asked and I’m in no state to be soul-searching right now but I kinda want to say it, I guess. Might as well try to be as me as I can when I don’t know if there’s gonna be a me in ten minutes. On the plus side, if she decides to still go to her thing on Monday I’ll have a window for escape. Just have to figure out how, and where to go.
Edit 6b: Okay, not dead yet. No idea what’s going on out there; haven’t heard anything in a while. Realized I may sound a little insane being afraid of BioDad when BioMom is the one screaming about taking people to Hell with her. She’s very movement impaired and can’t get to my end of the house on her own. Sad, yes. Complicated. He, on the other paw, is as cruel as she lets him get by with. He’s always been physically intimidating (though not yet “violent”), verbally abusive, always looking to do as much damage as he can without her scolding him for it. So if she’s not a factor… he’s a threat.
Edit/Update 7: They taped a seven-day eviction notice to my door. Looks like state law requires thirty but Idunno if I can last that long anyway, given I’m afraid to even cross the lil hallway to get to the toilet. I’m very not okay, I need somewhere safe to go, at least long enough to calm down and figure out what the hell to do but there’s just nothing for it. Might be able to afford a hotel for a couple weeks if I don’t eat. I’m not eating anyway so maybe that’s not so bad. No friends, no family, no space in shelters (and I don’t meet anyone’s criteria anyway), no place to go if I do manage to leave, no idea where else to even try or ask. Hell, I’m almost out of bottled water too. If any brave adventurers wanna swoop in and rescue me, now’s the time :-\
I did some research.
You mentioned that you live in northeastern Oklahoma, so I’m assuming you’re in a somewhat reasonable distance from Tulsa. It is possible that you could get an Uber to go from Tulsa to where you are rurally (for a pretty penny, of course). If I were you, I’d play around with the app and see if you can get anything. If not, try another service such as Lyft or a local taxi service based out of Tulsa. Here’s a list of some: https://m.yelp.com/search?cflt=taxis&find_loc=Tulsa%2C+OK You can try calling the local ones and explain that you need a ride to Tulsa from where you are and that you are happy to pay or whatever.
Once you get to Tulsa, there is a Greyhound bus station there. The address is 317 S Detroit Ave, Tulsa, OK 74120. You can get pretty much anywhere you need to go once you get to the station. Make sure to buy your ticket in advance. They have routes to pretty much every major US city. You will need to dress conservatively so as to not be visibly trans. I know that it’s painful but when travelling on things like Greyhound it’s safety first. From what I’ve heard, Greyhound can be pretty janky and have some weird people, but it will get you to where you need to go since you don’t have a car. Just keep a watchful eye on all of your belongings and surroundings.
Make sure other people know about your whereabouts as you travel in case anything were to happen. It can be an online friend, this community, or anything else. Have a plan with them about what to do if anything goes wrong. It is always best to be prepared, even though the chance of anything nefarious happening is very low.
When you get to the state that you’re going to, look into the government programs. Blue states are a lot more generous with them than most red. You can qualify for disability because you have autism, so look into that. You might also be able to get things like unemployment, food stamps, and other government assistance while you’re trying to figure things out.
Also, please try to eat. It’s very important to keep your strength up in situations like these and not eating will make you weaker and your brain foggier. Even if you’re not hungry, just try to get something down.
I hope this helps. I’m really really praying that you get out of the situation you’re in safely and get to a better place. I promise you, you can have a much better life than the one you’ve been living. There are places where you can be yourself freely. There are people who will accept you for who you are. It’s not going to be easy, but I can promise you that it’s going to be worth it.
Thanks <3 Eep, though. 14-25hr bus trip scary. Dunno if I can even pass as cis male now. Chest-bumps already, no boy-clothes but some old suits (great way to ‘lose track of some belongings,’ I’d think). May just go anyway… secretly hoped to fly but a cheap bus ticket to Minneapolis (just picked a place, still dunno where to go) is $100 (which is kinda suspicious since others are like $180, $250, $350??) while air fare is $400 :-\ Boo. Shaking like a leaf just looking. Ugh.
You will definitely save money with a bus ticket, but air travel is less stressful and shorter. It’s up to you as to which you wanna choose. You’ll get to the same place regardless.
Maybe try wearing some loose clothing to hide the chest bumps? A full suit would make you stand out too much. It’s just when you’re traveling in a region like Oklahoma. You won’t have to do that in minneapoils.
Have you figured out where you’re gonna stay when you arrive? After you determine your travel arrangements, you’ll need to reserve something like a hotel or airbnb for when you arrive. Also, PACK SNACKS. You’re gonna get hungry while you’re traveling and there are not always places to get food. Airport and plane food is also considerably more expensive than from outside. Make triple sure you bring water and a reusable water bottle, too.
Things are gonna be okay. You’re making a huge leap right now and that’s something to be proud of. It takes a lot of courage to be doing this. Remember to breathe in and out.
breathes left then down, getting the directions completely wrong 😵💫 I don’t even know where to go yet v.v Guess I need to make that post and find somecritter to hold my paw. Just make them pick and follow them around like a lost puppy 😅
Also, most of my clothes don’t even fit any more. Turns out depressyness is as great for gaining weight as it is for losing weight. Also I think my shoulders and hips grew out just to upset me.
There are budget airlines where you can get flights a lot cheaper than the usual ones. Spirit and Frontier are two that I can think of at the top of my head. Some days are cheaper to fly than others, too. Google flights is a good resource. The thing about budget airlines is that you have to pack light or else they will charge you extra. Usually they will only allow a personal item (purse, backpack, has to meet size requirements). Middle of the road airlines such as Delta or American usually allow a personal item and carry-on for free. You’ll need to purchase a checked bag ahead of time if you have more than that, because it is more expensive to buy at the gate. Also, make sure to arrive in plenty of time for your flight. It’s better to be too early than too late. Generally arriving two hours before your flight is a safe amount of time for domestic.
I didn’t know Google Flights was a thing :o Looks like the prices and flights are the same ones I saw on Expedia (dunno which is better/worse otherwise 🤷) I like that it shows fares on the calendar thingle. Looks like middle of next month is a great time to fly to Minneapolis! … Maybe I’ll dare hope to manage that anyway.
I’ve always flown standby with some kinda pre-clearing thing, so between not having that and being trans I assume TSA’s gonna be more gropey and tedious than I’ve experienced before. I kinda like wandering around malls, though, and it’s convenient when my flight is one of the shops. Thanks much for many advices and helps and talkings <3
Flying may be a little better atm, I hear there’s snowstorms all over right now, and you do NOT want to be stranded in a bus in a snowstorm. Plane, nobody is gonna give you shit for sleeping in an airport waiting for a plane, or waiting for a taxi at the other end.
All depends on how soon you’re hitting the road.
Don’t forget to budget for a little bit of winter gear if you’re going minnesota!! Winter is a much longer season in the north (I’ve seen snow in June in southern Ohio a couple times). Layer clothes, not a single large coat. Clothes that wick away sweat so you aren’t just getting soggy and freezing.
Unless shit truly hits the fan for snowfall in Oklahoma, you may not find clothing suitable for lake-effect winter locally, and if shit does, it’ll be marked up to hell in price.
Definitely a good point. I didn’t even think about the weather aspect right now. Sounds like a cheap flight is the way to go.
Winter can be pretty but it can also be goddamn miserable. Still prefer it to the heat, myself. The sun actively tries to kill me through sunburns points to freckles, and I’m pale enough to call Rohan for aid.
I’ve had good luck for larger winter gear at an outlet mall store for North Face, otherwise carharrt makes some decent stuff I hear. Hard to go wrong with wool socks/undergarments (long johns, undershirts, etc), a Cabellas or other hunting/farming adjacent stores should have decent options for everything in that regard.
Edit: I’ve heard Mitts are better than gloves for maintaining heat, at the cost of dexterity and less ability to grip things. Probably not gonna be a problem.
Ebay and other used shops are great for getting things like that. It can get quite expensive if you buy new straight from the manufacturer. I’m preparing to move to a state in New England and have gotten some quality stuff from ebay especially. Maybe some thrift stores around Minneapolis will have some good stuff for an affordable price, too.
I prefer winter to the heat, too. I can’t stand the summers here in the deep south. No snow too :(
Definitely worth going to thrift stores, especially in this community (new clothes probably adds up quick for transfem folks, sizes can change quickly)
Once it gets closer to the end of winter some places do some steep discounts on winter gear to clean out inventory and prepare for the next seasons lineups. Fast fashion is some awful bullshit but it can be taken advantage of at times.
Outlet malls are great for that purpose; it’s more or less b-stock things for major brands that might have imperfections but otherwise perfectly good stuff.
I got a $300 coat (North Face Gotham) for about $70. B-stock plus end of season plus general teenage employee apathy (have a discount because fuggit) adds up quick in savings.
Edit: OH! and laundry facilities! You can do a shitload of laundry at some hotels, they aren’t always coin operated. I think
Hilton or Tru orhampton inn it was just the room key to get to the washer/dryer. Hit a grocery store for a jug of laundry soap or a box of the powdered stuff, it’s much cheaper than whatever they’ve for at the front desk or vending machine and goes further. Tide pods, while nice, don’t go as far for your money.Also I like to hope HRT won’t muck up my cold tolerance too much; I was the weird critter in a little pink sleeveless dress enjoying the snow while I was in Michigan. People’d walk up and touch my arms and ask why I wasn’t cold 😅 The cold never bothered me, I guess. (Ice princess joke… never actually saw that show.) Anyway hopefully HRT+wherever I end up won’t ruin cold for me. 🤷
As for Oklahoma weather, it’ll be snowing and 80 degrees F in the same day <.< Weird.
Estrogen-based HRT will actually reduce your tolerance to the cold, because your muscle mass goes down as well as your metabolism. You don’t have to worry about that because good winter gear will keep you warm enough to tolerate the cold anyway. People used to that kind of climate can give you some pointers on how to dress and what to buy for the weather there (i have not seen snow for six years, help).
[Joke while I can make one] Hey, come to Oklahoma and we’ll form the Resistance… to Snowlessness! We’ll just go around installing snow machines everywhere. Probably get shot once or twice but it’s for a good cause 😅
While drowning in sweat and melting like ice cream all the while
I will admit to laughing whenever some states COMPLETELY shut down over a powdercoat of snow 😅 now that I know I didn’t win the powerball lottery I think imma go to sleep… for some ungodly reason I have to be at work by 7AM for the next two days…
Eyyy, same hope here! (Pre-HRT) I run hot enough that sometimes after work I could go outside and literally have steam/most coming off me (I did work in a deli moving large objects all day last time i did that, but I figure being in coolers balanced that out)
Much better for my nerves as well… In addition to how much I just love flying, it’s faster and doesn’t seem like there’ll be any problems with people being hostile at least on the plane. Less likely I’ll end up robbed or in a dumpster or something <.< $300 worth? Idunno. Maybe I can find another critter here in OK (which is not, despite the name, okay) and we can leave together 😅 … And maybe someone will give me a pony too, while I’m daydreaming :-\ 🤷
Also, don’t forget to utilize food banks. A lot of them have it to where you can just go and pick up stuff without even registering or anything. It’s free food!
And cold shelters! Frostbite is bad, mmmkay?
It’s been so long since I last flew on a plane, i miss it! It’s not that I can’t afford the plane ticket it’s just anxiety about not having my own car to drive at the other end. (And the whole, hotels are expensive on top of still having to pay rent and other bills for back home)
Which is hilarious given how much I didn’t want to get a driver’s license at 16, I figured I’d be stuck driving my parents around all the time but turns put I freaking LOVE to drive!! So much quiet time to myself, listening to loud music, regretting listening to music too loudly (tinnitus), etc
I hate driving >.<; Maybe finding a walkable city or at least one with relatively decent public transit stuffs should be a priority. … Assuming I even have time to try to look into that :-\ Anyway driving is scary D: Constantly worried I’ll miss something, a sign, a turn, a car I didn’t notice. Not as bad as leaving the house/apartment/whatever to get to the car, but still stressy.
Minneapolis is famous for being a walkable, bikable, and public transit city. Get some noise cancelling headphones or earplugs and you’ll be golden.
I’ve had good experiences with Sony’s wireless earbuds for noise cancelling. Had a fire alarm go off next to my head literally last week (somebody killed a microwave) and it SERIOUSLY reduced the volume, but was still audible.
I’ll have to put Minneapolis on my list of places to visit in the future. I wanna see washington and Oregon myself, I love the rain and it’s close enough to snowy states I can get out and enjoy snow now and again
Ahhh rain is great <3 … And there are some walkable cities over there… I wonder how good they are🤦 More options sometimes not so helpful v.v >.<; Maybe somecritter there will chime in on my other thread. May end up being a matter of what’s most realistic regardless of what I actually want. … Or need. Bleeeeh.
I get that. I like the idea of Chicago (trains) myself. I’m lucky in that my mom gave me a THOROUGH education on driving skills (I learned starting with a stick shift, full bed, super cab pickup), so I got comfortable with driving fairly quickly. Nothing prepares you for the shifter knob coming off in your hands while you’re shifting though 🤣
I saw a video last week of somebody in a police chase driving backwards in a pickup and my first thought was “pfft, i could do better, they’re just going in a straight line! No reversing around corners or anything!” And my mom agreed… 😅