I feel like since starting hrt I feel more hopeless, and I look and realize that I’ll never look like a girl, there’s nothing I can do. My life is essentially over. While yes I look better than I did pre hrt I still look bad and I hate myself and the person I am.
What you are experiencing is totally valid and nothing is wrong with feeling any of it. Generally speaking, you, and everyone else, should be in regular therapy, where you would have the opportunity to process these thoughts and emotions. It helps me so much just to have someone that can keep me away from mental pitfalls and traps that often cause most of my emotional discomfort about a thing.
Uhhh you already look like a girl (or woman). We are women, and so we look like women. This isnt to dismiss you, but to reframe your perspective. Personally, I don’t look like the woman I want to look like, but that comes with time and will likely change to be a more awesome version than the compilation of ideas borrowed from all over. But I DO look like a woman.
Life isn’t over until it is. Its cliche, and a bit meaningless if you let it be, but its still true. If you need some comparative outlooks on life, you will always find someone more miserable, older, and in more pain than yourself. If you met that person, would you be ok telling them “Hey, you’re life is over”?
No? Thats because you’re not an asshole (presumably), and its not kind… so why in the ever living fuck are you being an asshole to yourself? Sheeesh! (seriously though, chin up friend. Not cause its easy to do, but because seeing something good coming to you is impossible when you’re staring at the ground)