I’m almost at a full year since coming out, I came out when I was just about 30, which is later than I would have liked to have, but it wasn’t until then that I was ready.
At the time, I had been in recovery for a year and was living with family and had a great job and had only just started to feel like I was getting things back together. I lived in Texas, and not one of the “purple” areas either. Because I was over 6 hours away from the nearest affordable gender affirming clinic that I could afford, and everything going on in politics, I was seriously considering going with grey market hormones just so I could get started.
I wasn’t sure when I was going to be able to move states, or when I would want to as I loved my family. I knew they’d have initial issues, but thought that the person I’d become and the love we all had would mean they’d be willing to eventually talk through their misconceptions (incorrect biblical assumptions, generic conservative propaganda, and just simply what transgender meant to me). I thought “if there ever was gonna be a safer time to do it, it’s now”.
I’ll probably make a more detailed post of how my coming out went, but in short: it went terribly. Not only that, literally the next day, we found out our company was being bought by the other competitor in town, and almost everyone was being let go.
I broke. Not just from the coming out disaster, but it felt as if the life I’d finally gotten a grasp on just vanished. On top of it all, was an overall self-imposed feeling of “running behind” in my transition and gender expression. Even early on, I knew that feeling was useless and harmful.
At the start of july, I left texas with nothing but what I could put in my car and the decision to never live another day pretending to be a man. (Spite fueled me a great deal early on)
Its not been easy, and I’ve hardly even made it that far down the road, but I can say that it was absolutely the right move and fuck caring about starting at almost the midpoint of life.
It took me a while to get to a place where I was able to get healthcare, so I’ve only been on MtF HRT for about a month, but I’ve already began to notice tiny changes happening. In fact, my tits started aching for the first time just a few days ago, and I haven’t even started progesterone or hady initial Estrogen Rx adjusted!
I’m aware that there are many out there who wish they’d started at my age and that 30 isn’t “old”, and they’re right. But I can tell you that before even coming out, I was accutely aware of the fact that Testosterone had already ripped through me and regularly struggled with thoughts that it just wasn’t worth it because I was too old. I’d be lying if I said that those thoughts were entirely gone, but they are pretty rare these days.
I could ramble on, and probably already have, but that’s been my experience so far.
That’s a lot to go through. I definitely can relate to the living in a rural red area part. I know you’ve gotta be hella strong to get through all of that and still be committed to living your truth. Cheers to one month of E!
I’m almost at a full year since coming out, I came out when I was just about 30, which is later than I would have liked to have, but it wasn’t until then that I was ready.
At the time, I had been in recovery for a year and was living with family and had a great job and had only just started to feel like I was getting things back together. I lived in Texas, and not one of the “purple” areas either. Because I was over 6 hours away from the nearest affordable gender affirming clinic that I could afford, and everything going on in politics, I was seriously considering going with grey market hormones just so I could get started.
I wasn’t sure when I was going to be able to move states, or when I would want to as I loved my family. I knew they’d have initial issues, but thought that the person I’d become and the love we all had would mean they’d be willing to eventually talk through their misconceptions (incorrect biblical assumptions, generic conservative propaganda, and just simply what transgender meant to me). I thought “if there ever was gonna be a safer time to do it, it’s now”.
I’ll probably make a more detailed post of how my coming out went, but in short: it went terribly. Not only that, literally the next day, we found out our company was being bought by the other competitor in town, and almost everyone was being let go.
I broke. Not just from the coming out disaster, but it felt as if the life I’d finally gotten a grasp on just vanished. On top of it all, was an overall self-imposed feeling of “running behind” in my transition and gender expression. Even early on, I knew that feeling was useless and harmful.
At the start of july, I left texas with nothing but what I could put in my car and the decision to never live another day pretending to be a man. (Spite fueled me a great deal early on)
Its not been easy, and I’ve hardly even made it that far down the road, but I can say that it was absolutely the right move and fuck caring about starting at almost the midpoint of life.
It took me a while to get to a place where I was able to get healthcare, so I’ve only been on MtF HRT for about a month, but I’ve already began to notice tiny changes happening. In fact, my tits started aching for the first time just a few days ago, and I haven’t even started progesterone or hady initial Estrogen Rx adjusted!
I’m aware that there are many out there who wish they’d started at my age and that 30 isn’t “old”, and they’re right. But I can tell you that before even coming out, I was accutely aware of the fact that Testosterone had already ripped through me and regularly struggled with thoughts that it just wasn’t worth it because I was too old. I’d be lying if I said that those thoughts were entirely gone, but they are pretty rare these days.
I could ramble on, and probably already have, but that’s been my experience so far.
That’s a lot to go through. I definitely can relate to the living in a rural red area part. I know you’ve gotta be hella strong to get through all of that and still be committed to living your truth. Cheers to one month of E!