This time I decided I should probably conceal carry. I’ve done it before, so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing, or am generally unsafe with a firearm. I went to the bar I used to cook for, and after I got in, this hick just loudly proclaimed every minority by slur they didn’t like and wished them all dead. He basically only liked white Christian cis-heteronormative people 🤷. This is not the first time I’ve heard this kind of hate to me and my family, so I’m unsurprised. I sit and have a light beer and a shot, and wait while everyone leaves. I got to talk to the bartenders, about nails, some stories about ex boyfriends, plans for the future, catch up about what happened since I left, minus my transition of course. She said I look good. Said my arms have thinned, my hair is back, I’ve lost weight, I look younger, etc. All stuff that made me feel good. I thanked them for talking to me, the one lady started to cry, she was sweet enough for an industry girl, and understood if you treat me well I’ll move mountains for you if I can. Kinda made me feel pathetic that I was thanking a bartender for talking to me like a person, but I don’t get much of that anymore.

Today my mom (who knows and is transphobia white Christian nationalist incarnate) came by with her parents (liberal-light). They drove for hours to come visit, it was actually nice. My live in family all calls me Jessie, but only my partner knows why. So they are all referring to me as Jessie, my mom is asking people if they want dessert and she deadnames me stumbles over it, gets upset (not mad, but emotionally upset), and I tell her no thank you, that it’s okay, that she’s good, and she keeps walking to the cheesecake and apologizes and asks again, and I tell her no thank you, that I don’t eat like I used to while I walked to her, hug her and hold her while she kinda cries. “I tell her it’s okay, that I love her, that I’m willing to meet her halfway, that I know it’s hard, that I’m not mad, that it’s all good, that we’re all good. She hugs me tight and tighter and cries. I cry. Even if it isn’t understood, in that moment of cooperation, we had an understanding, she’s trying, and I’m here to calmly be the best child I can in helping her have a relationship with me if she’s willing.

We texted when she got home, she wants to come back, talk more, not holding my breath for a breakthrough, but I’m hopeful that she might do some personal growth and come to accept me as me, even if I have to lie a bit and just be Non-Binary butch when she sees me on the random holiday.

One day at a time I suppose.

Attached is my handgun, but not my picture, with all the threatening bullshit I’ve been getting, I’m gonna get back in the habit of having a edc again.

I pray y’all are in safer places, but what do you all carry for protection?

Edit to fix typos and add, I’m loaded with Hornady .380 Critical Defense

Edit 2: replace original opening text with the same text but citing a hyperlink to florida law re-iterating that I do indeed know what I am doing and didn’t do anything illegal where I live or break any rules.

  • @LadyAutumnMEnglish
    7•7 months ago

    It’s wild out there. I’m sorry you feel unsafe in your area and that you had to deal with vocal aggressive harassment. Transphobes are unbelievable. I’m fortunate to live in an area where I no longer have to deal with harassment like that. My thoughts are with everyone who has to consider their safety to exist in public every day. And I hope your mother comes around. It sounds like there may be some hope there. Just remember that your wants and your needs always matter. And that you shouldn’t have to feel like compromising about your identity is necessary to have healthy relationships. You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don’t lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

    In the future, I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least. Content warnings might be a good idea, too. I am not personally uncomfortable or bothered by firearms, nor am I opposed to vulnerable people carrying them for their own safety. I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it’s okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren’t comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There’s lots of reasons someone might not be. I thought quite a bit about it and am interested to hear other people’s opinions too, if they would offer them. For now I think I’ll add some examples of what “NSFW” constitutes on the community rules sections.

    • @NoStressyJessieOPEnglish
      5•7 months ago

      You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don’t lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

      Thank you for the sage reminder

      I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least

      I went ahead and NSFW-ified the picture.

      I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it’s okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren’t comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There’s lots of reasons someone might not be.

      I appreciate this, and didn’t think about the victims of gun violence when I posted that, thank you for adding perspective to WHY instead of just smacking me down.

      Thank you for popping in, sorry if I created a situation unwittingly that made anyone uncomfortable.