Last week I got myself a tape measure, figured out some sizing things and ordered a cheap dress online. It looked good, and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. I felt like I could actually pull of a transition and not look like an ugly man in a dress. I giggled and cried and it felt so good. The next day I went to the mall, got my ears pierced, bought all the girly things I was brave enough to in person. Then I paced around mac like a weirdo until I worked up the courage to go in and ask for help picking makeup. They were great and super helpful getting me some basics. When I went home, I put my dress on, and thought I’d take it slow and just put on some lipstick and paint my nails. When I saw myself, I felt like an ugly old man in lipstick, and it fucking ruined all the euphoria from before. I know I can get past that, do my makeup better and find something more comfortable, but I wanted to hang on to that feeling forever. I saw the woman I know I am inside for a moment and wanted the rest to just happen. It’s not gonna be that easy though, is it?
Of course! Trust me, I think we’ve all been there. Hell, I had a similar breakdown about HRT a week or so ago. Sometimes that dysphoria hits hard and its hard to see a way out of it - but you already found your way out. It just takes some time to get there but you WILL get there.
I have found trying to focus on things that give me the most dysphoria and working on addressing that first. So for me, the biggest source of dysphoria is all my body hair. So I’ve come up with a shaving routine to help address it and it’s helped me both have more moments of euphoria and the ability to better appreciate them when they come ❤️
Yeah, I still had a burst of dysphoria after bottom surgery related to having to diolate 3 times a day.
This is great, I’ll keep this in mind as I plan some next steps.