Framing men as the ‘villains’ gets women no closer to better romantic relationships | Moya Lothian-McLean
www.theguardian.com
Romantic victimhood allows us to believe we’re forever the wounded party – and that men are incapable of change, says Moya Lothian-McLean, a contributing editor at Novara Media

Though I don’t think this terminology is used, this article is primarily about heteropessimism and it’s effects on relationships from both sides.

  • valentinesmith
    21·
    1 year ago

    that patriarchy might ostensibly benefit men – even while poisoning them in a myriad of ways – but it is upheld by all genders, particularly within spaces like romantic partnership

    With this quote I was reminded of many retellings of men in hetero relationship who still vividly remembered hurtful moments of being shamed when opening up and being vulnerable.

    As the article states I would argue it’s wrong to assume that just one gender is at fault for the status quo, but that it is maintained by multiple actors.

    And yes I’ve seen a lot of heteropessimism online and even partially irl but I think it’s breeding ground are „taking things for granted“ and just assuming what partners would like or want in relationships. Needs can be so diverse and deeply personal that I’d argue while there is possibility to feel safe in following a relationship script we have to dare to explore each other in our uniqueness and thereby also share ourselves authentically and that’s a forever journey.

    Thank you for the nice read spaduf! (by the way is that a pun on the pokemon or am I nerding out?)

    • spaduf@slrpnk.netOPM
      8·
      1 year ago

      heteropessimism online and even partially irl but I think it’s breeding ground are „taking things for granted“ and just assuming what partners would like or want in relationships

      I think a big part of this too is how these things originate through external gendered expectations (as in external to the relationship). A lot of the issues that inspire heteropessimism largely come from the older generation which very intensely internalized not only those gendered expectations but this idea that those external expectations are universal enough to supersede even a very basic conversation with their partner.

      by the way is that a pun on the pokemon or am I nerding out?

      Lol no just a fun short word that usually isn’t taken as a username.