This was originally posted as a comment under an image in 196,but due to the popularity of 196 I decided to move it to a (Hopefully) less federally public space, due to harassment concerns.
The image was a post saying,
I have so much love in my heart for trans girls like. girls girls girls literally omg youre a GIRL ISNT IT WONDERFUL!!! any girl who’s been like wish was a girl" and then found out they actually ARE a girl is a precious jewel. I love girls
I love the idea of this, and I’m happy people can feel that way, but deep down inside me, I feel like I haven’t “earned” the right to consider the possibility of calling myself a girl/woman.
People afab put up with so much shit and since I haven’t felt that side of it it’s like trying to be a part of a group that sees you as the enemy trying to act like one of them, you know? That may be extreme but I’m not good at words so that’s the best way I can think to phrase the feeling.
Anyone else feel this way?
I will add that I have known and worked with several ftm trans people and don’t really have the same feelings the other way around. Basically something “you seem like a dude as far as I can tell/am aware/concerned”
The fun part of transitioning is that you’ll get both traditional misogyny and new, unique flavors!
Seriously though, joining a group of people that you aren’t used to being in will always feel weird, but luckily that goes away with familiarity. I feel like my advice is always the same though, which is to find a therapist informed on gender issues if you can afford one.
Fortunately, I do have a great therapist, who is on their own gender journey.
Another issue I’ve come to realize is basically always feeling like the one person trying to force themselves into a group they don’t really belong in. Even ones I was in for years and felt pretty close to the people in it. Like the thought is always there. “I don’t really fit in here”