Hi, I’m gonna reintroduce myself, first. I went by VirulentAura, and have been kinda active this past week posting, if anyone actually cares. I decided to change it up, cuz I was tired of lemmy.world being down, and, I dunno, I wanted to use my name. Preface aside, please be advised that the content may be troubling to some. It’s kinda a vent, but I need to talk to someone. I need to get it off my chest.
She hates me. She says I’m trying to turn her into a lesbian, and she wants to leave me. Honestly, if she isn’t into boobs and vagina, and I want boobs and a vagina, that kinda makes a bit of an impasse, ya? But why does she hate me for it? I get she feels like I lied to her, but I’ve been lying to myself too! I’m throwing seventeen years away because of the “choices” I’ve made, but she is choosing to leave me?
My son, 16, asked me yesterday why she accepts them, and not me. I told her today, she needs to talk to them, that she can’t let her hatred for me stand in the way of our parenting, that they need to be the most important thing on her mind. I was met with an emphatic “leave me the fuck alone,” ad verbatim. I want her to succeed. She wants to take the truck and leave, and ask my conservative Christian mother to borrow a vehicle until I get one of my own.
She has been talking about wanting a camper, her own space, to pick up and go wherever she wants. I’ve offered to try to help, we bunk in different rooms until we get into a position where she can leave and live her best life, and am met with hearty “go fuck yourself.”
I feel like I need to open back up Facebook, to do damage control. I haven’t had a FB account in years, but I don’t know what hate she is spewing to her family, and I don’t want them to make my life miserable.
Part of me wishes I never ate from the tree of knowledge. You can’t unlearn this mindfuck. It was easier on my psyche to think I was an ugly guy, than a woman who looked like I was an ugly guy.
She said she would never find me attractive, even if I didn’t have bottom surgery, even before she decided to leave. I described a hypothetical situation in five years where I would try to initiate, would she be into that? She would consummate the marriage, but no. That’s not attractive.
The other day, before all this shit went down, I went to go get me some clothes, and the clothes I want to wear and my body are so mismatched, I couldn’t get anything 😭. I tried dying my hair blonde, but my genetics are so fucked up I can’t do anything with this super dark hair. I wanted to feel pretty after a shitty day of feeling like I was uninvited to my nephews party on the grounds I’m trans, and arguing with her about weather a penis makes a good spouse. I just wanted her to tell me I’m pretty. I have a pretty soul, apparently, but, no, she can’t find me physically attractive.
I’m not gonna be her hag.
I’m not gonna be in a relationship where I’m gonna dress down and try to be as pretty as possible for her, and can’t even get a “nice ass.” I’ve always tried to lift her up, through all her own body issues, after three kids, after her becoming so sedentary and gaining sixty pounds, after me being genuinely worried about talking about her health, because I didn’t want to hurt her, she can’t even lie to me and tell me I’m pretty. I can’t live in that.
I want her to be happy. I want us both to be happy. Why doesn’t she want me to be happy?
the irony of blåhaj going down after you posted this. seems we’re back but just barely. i might not be able to post this comment!
i’ve been seeing these vents from the sidelines and i’m sorry your wife suddenly turned like this not even 2 weeks into your journey. i don’t think i can answer these questions for you, but it seems like she might be getting severely influenced by her family? something similar happened to me a long time ago, where a family friend tried twice to get me to break up with someone on his own personal moral grounds (read: some lies he made up). it only succeeded the first time.
She says she only told her dad and sister today she was leaving me because I wanted to be a girl, and she’s not into girls. She’s just aggressively straight, and right now she is leaning heavily into the aggressive. To the point where she bought a plane ticket for tomorrow, leaving me fucked on rent. How the fuck she could do that to her own children, I don’t know, but it’s the last straw for me. Hate me as much as you want, but don’t fuck with my kids.
I’m so sorry to hear this Lynn. I really hope that you and your children are safe.
We are. I don’t think she would try to hurt me, and she’s staying somewhere else, my mom’s I think. That aside, I don’t think she has the spare keys. It’s only a hundred bucks shy or so, but I’m renting from a Corp, so… I’ll go donate plasma or something. I’m not on any hormones yet, so should be a cinch.
Thanks for your concern.
oohhh, that’s vile. reminds me a bit of what my mom did to me and my dad. absolutely stay by your kids.