Hello!
Making this post to check in on other asexual spectrum people. Curious how attraction works for you?
Recently discovered the term “side” and feel that fits well. Always felt obligated for penetrative sex, liked servicing but awkward when things done to me.
Been with men and women. Recently with someone could not be more my type but could not perform. Twice. Wanted to (or so I thought) but it was wanting to be a people pleaser.
When it clicked. Dont like sex. Enjoy things around it, watching partner reactions,kissing, cuddling, performing oral, but actual? It feels like pulling teeth.
Searched and searched and this seems to be a hard Google. 🤷
What prompted me to make this post.
Asexual people what has been your journey of self acceptance? How does attraction works for you? How have partners been about understanding it?
Thanks for the responses.
We are demisexual, so might be a little different, but we are fine with sex of any kind (we consider many things sex). However, we aren’t really attracted to people physically most of the time, we are attracted to their personality, kindness, knowledge and wisdom etc.
Our journey of self discovery has been fraut, we’re constantly worried that because it takes us a year or more to want to do anything with somebody and most of dating is geared towards speed and passing the steps we won’t be accepted by most people we like. We are also worried that because it’s so rare for us to get so close to people our dating life won’t go well, even though we are polyamorous and relationship anarchists. We accept ourselves but it still bothers us sometimes that others might not.
We aren’t really accepted by our ‘biological’ family (they don’t understand the ace spectrum and have said being demi is ‘normal’ and a “good decision” before 😒🙄) and many people who have found us attractive in the past have… not been a good fit for us. Thankfully we are with people who respect us and treat us kindly and slowly, talks things through etc and so we feel comfortable enough to try things with them in whatever direction that takes us. They’re all also some flavour of ace, so that helps a lot.