Ever since I came out to my wife and kids, and started being myself, my personality has changed, a lot. I’m more extroverted, weirdly enough. I’ve been a bit sharper with the kids, not in a mean way, but, more of a no-nonsense kinda way. I used to walk around the house naked all the time, but now I feel compelled to cover up. I blame a disconnect with my body on that one.

I feel more confident to just, go up and talk to people, ask if I can take their picture. I can make posts without second-guessing myself and deleting them.

I know it’s all just me finally getting in touch with myself, but it feels weird, even to me. I used to be this demure, quiet, self conscious girl, but now that I’m letting her out, she refuses to go back into the box. It’s like a seal was broken. I’m having anxiety about going to my nephews birthday party, cuz I’m not out to that part of my family, and most of them are fundamental Christians.

I did manage to talk to one of my brothers today, and he accepts me, though he has some bias. Basically told me if it was anyone else, he wouldn’t be so willing. So I have some work to do there. Or not, if I can’t help him see people as people.

Remember, everyone, not just the trans community: You are loved. You are valid. It’s okay for you to be you.

  • NoStressyJessie
    11·
    1 year ago

    I’ve noticed similar but different. For me it’s like, I don’t have to feel trapped expressing myself with the limited tools I had as a male. I don’t have anything to prove to them, or I guess myself anymore. It feels like I don’t have to ‘perform’ anymore.

    I still slip into some of my old habits, like striking a nerve or stubbing your toe, it’s hard for me to not react too “over the top”, but Its been a lot easier for me to catch myself.

    There’s been more acceptance of other people and a better sense of empathy.

    My sense of misanthropy I used as a safety blanket and defense mechanism is slowly falling away.

    I used to absolutely hate pop music, I didn’t really know why, it feels like religious repression now. It’s like a part of the membrane that kept me separate and jaded is thinning, and I actually find that I like a lot of things that I used to just have knee jerk hatred for.

    It’s been weird deconstructing the defense mechanisms I made for myself in a less safe place and time and trying to figure out WHY they got built in the first place.

    I never understood why I wasn’t one of the guys but could ‘never’ be one of the girls, so I just kinda threw everything out with the bath water and burnt all the bridges “that’s fine your music is shit anyways 💅”.

    Yay, more cringe!