My wife and I have life plans that make HRT unrealistic in the near future. We’re mostly concerned with fertility and my wife is still coming to terms with my identity. She understands it - she’s just grappling with the possible future changes.

In the meantime, I’m starting to do what I can to transition without HRT. Shaving. Exercise and dieting. Growing my hair out. Facial routines and hair routines. Etc.

I found FaceApp (like many other trans folks) and I’ve become a little obsessive. I take at least one photo a day and I’ve experimented with using the generated photos in private accounts for a euphoria hit. But I’m feeling like it’s making me constantly obsess with transitioning. I’m perusing trans timelines, MTF fashion, etc. on my phone a lot more than usual. Before using the app, I didn’t really have “goals”. I just wanted to get as close to feminine as possible. Now, I see this other face and I want to be her. I feel trapped in this body.

Anyways, I guess I’m just venting here. It hurts to feel this way.