My wife and I have life plans that make HRT unrealistic in the near future. We’re mostly concerned with fertility and my wife is still coming to terms with my identity. She understands it - she’s just grappling with the possible future changes.

In the meantime, I’m starting to do what I can to transition without HRT. Shaving. Exercise and dieting. Growing my hair out. Facial routines and hair routines. Etc.

I found FaceApp (like many other trans folks) and I’ve become a little obsessive. I take at least one photo a day and I’ve experimented with using the generated photos in private accounts for a euphoria hit. But I’m feeling like it’s making me constantly obsess with transitioning. I’m perusing trans timelines, MTF fashion, etc. on my phone a lot more than usual. Before using the app, I didn’t really have “goals”. I just wanted to get as close to feminine as possible. Now, I see this other face and I want to be her. I feel trapped in this body.

Anyways, I guess I’m just venting here. It hurts to feel this way.

  • Of the Air (cele/celes)English
    5·
    3 days ago

    Yes, we were including face in body, apologies. Hair can improve, however from our understanding it requires HRT for seven years to fully recover from the effects of T. Our face hasn’t changed much we think, sadly, unlike a lot of trans femmes but our hair being longer helps there.

      • Of the Air (cele/celes)English
        2·
        3 days ago

        Yes, we think we are an odd case as most trans femmes we have seen we think look more femme than us/the body. However, we haven’t exactly kept pictures over time as we both do not think to, and always found pictures of the body displeasing except for when we were really trying to look good. That is changing somewhat but most of the time we don’t like it, or just don’t recognise it.

        • lapisEnglish
          1·
          16 hours ago

          most trans femmes we have seen we think look more femme than us/the body.

          that’s likely an effect of dysphoria, friend.

          • Of the Air (cele/celes)English
            1·
            14 hours ago

            Hmm, maybe. However, we have noticed their face fat shifted and became more conventionally femme, whereas ours hasn’t from what we can tell.

            Our boobs have also not gotten as big as most trans femmes who post their stuff online, sadly. Not sure if it is because we messed up and took progesterone too early or what, but they aren’t that big and aren’t a good shape ioo, not round emough, slightly triangular.

            • lapisEnglish
              1·
              10 hours ago

              However, we have noticed their face fat shifted and became more conventionally femme, whereas ours hasn’t from what we can tell.

              see, I felt this way too, but I’ve realized that, for me, the issue is dysphoria plus seeing the changes happen gradually, so I don’t see that big change like I have in other people.

              Our boobs have also not gotten as big as most trans femmes who post their stuff online, sadly.

              the general guidance is that we transfems max about a cup size less than our mom and/or sisters, and it tends to get spread out differently – mine are also slightly triangular, which is a totally normal breast shape for women without large boobs, even cis women.

              • Of the Air (cele/celes)English
                1·
                10 hours ago

                Yeah, you may be correct about the face, we don’t take pictures or look in the mirror often so might not have seen changes over time.

                Ah, well, we aren’t sure what size our cis women biological relations are and it feels weird to ask especially because they are transphobic and right-wing, but yeah, maybe. Thanks for the info, this might help us.

                Now onto how to fix the dysphoria of never being able to have gentials that do all we wish they would, nor the ability to get pregnant.