i was invited to stay for as long as i needed. i told him i was an SA victim. 3 months later, all my food is here, my stuff, and he confesses he sexually assaulted someone. now, i have to leave, tell his trans partner who i bonded with of course, lose all my food, and like a million other details that i cant process rn because i just want to fuckin die. i dont know how without any money or prospects to get out of here. telling his gf is gonna blow up her life and mine too, as if it wasnt already exploded.

i thought i could get some time here to sleep in a warm place and try to earn enough to get into one of the trans pipelines to the pnw or colorado. no one will hire me and no one that wants to pay me for a date seems to want anything but to humiliate me and make me afraid while they do whatever. i cant even give blood because i dont have a lease or utility bill.

im likely to be shut out of the mutual-aid and direct action i was doing. this guy is well connected and im just an old homeless tranny hooker that is too ugly to get dates so i cant even do that. everyone feels so bad for me like that is my actual purpose on this earth to be that person that lets people feel relieved they arent me. old homeless trans are less than dog dirt on someones shoe. dont wash it off even. shoe must be destroyed.

ive told the people i know that care about me who he is and where im staying in case anything happens to me. i mean, dudes dont like losing social status and im now a known risk to him and his carefully constructed public persona. im not even a person in this. im an NPC in his facade of a life.

i dont even have enough stuff to block the door and im sleeping with my knife now. like surviving has any meaning now anyway. all i can think about is telling my friend, his partner. maybe when i do he will go postal and kill me since im too broke to buy blues to kms and i dont want to suffer when i die. like maybe i should lean into this. what else do i have to look forward to in the good ol USA?

anyway, this is homeless trans life.