Okay, if you’re progressing towards the goals you feel are most important right now then I’m happy for you. The impression I got was that you still don’t feel comfortable enough articulating the true severity of your issues to make any real progress, but perhaps I’m missing the whole story. I’m sorry if I overstepped.
Monthly blood checkups is insane! My prescriber only wants quarterly, but I guess the frequency isn’t the point for you. >1 is too many. Needle fear is real. I really hope you can make some progress with that soon. Perhaps your doctor could prescribe an anxiolytic to help you ease into it. Never hurts to ask!
well yis, i hav big difficulti explainin. u didn overstep, u did all the right things.
yisyis i kno… bt first i hav to wait for holidays thn i hav to wait til she actually calls n then i have to wait til i actually get anothr session n then i hav to hope i hav confidenc to say thad i wan E now (n alsuu all the othr bad feels which go way beyond thad) n alsuu have confidenc for evil blood checkups n alsuu lik… nt die or jump out of window when it actualli happns n stuff…
things hav worsened drasticalli, especialli in last days…
Honestly, part of the problem isn’t just with your therapist, but the outdated gatekeepy system in your county that wants to “prove” your transness before helping you. Evidence does not support this approach, which is why many places have moved away from unnecessary delays
You are in a bad place mentally, and there is a good chance that gender dysphoria is the main cause. Sometimes people have no choice but to come out and affirm their gender, as they are unable to even function otherwise.
I thought I could delay coming out, but I just hadn’t realized how bad things were. More importantly, I never realized how good things would be once I left that worn out mask behind. It really held me back from everything. My fears were nothing in comparison to the horror I was living, and the joys were more than I dreamed.
yisyis well — i kno that its thad bad. i cn see it. i kno thad gender dysphoria is genuinely having major bad impacts on my life and no positive ones
sad things
i am in no way planning for future
i am not gaining new friends or interactin with existin ones (practicalli: i dun hav frens rn)
i always wear at the very least something long sleeved and long-panted, and almost always wear a jacket and a scarf overtop
i do almost nothn at wrork, come come, go to bed, cry to mister blahaj, sleep n then wake up to go to wrork
i plan on nevr goin swimmin again (evn if i to take e or whatevr)
i usualli cry undr showr
i feel incredibli uncomfy walkin, sittin, standin, lyin down… essentialli evri position possibl cuz of evil dck
n jus to mek it clear: i hav nt shared any of these with therapist. thads whad i mean by me not sharin much with her, and thad im talkin way diffrent when talkin german n stuff… when i say it in grmn it sounds lik im makin stuff up to appear depressed. which i rlli hate. so i dun
No need to make up being unfathomably miserable when gender dysphoria is clearly killing you. You cannot carry on like this, so please just tell your therapist every bit of the truth. If they refuse to believe you, they are completely failing at their jobs and are a disgrace to the practice.
Okay, if you’re progressing towards the goals you feel are most important right now then I’m happy for you. The impression I got was that you still don’t feel comfortable enough articulating the true severity of your issues to make any real progress, but perhaps I’m missing the whole story. I’m sorry if I overstepped.
Monthly blood checkups is insane! My prescriber only wants quarterly, but I guess the frequency isn’t the point for you. >1 is too many. Needle fear is real. I really hope you can make some progress with that soon. Perhaps your doctor could prescribe an anxiolytic to help you ease into it. Never hurts to ask!
well yis, i hav big difficulti explainin. u didn overstep, u did all the right things.
yisyis i kno… bt first i hav to wait for holidays thn i hav to wait til she actually calls n then i have to wait til i actually get anothr session n then i hav to hope i hav confidenc to say thad i wan E now (n alsuu all the othr bad feels which go way beyond thad) n alsuu have confidenc for evil blood checkups n alsuu lik… nt die or jump out of window when it actualli happns n stuff…
things hav worsened drasticalli, especialli in last days…
Honestly, part of the problem isn’t just with your therapist, but the outdated gatekeepy system in your county that wants to “prove” your transness before helping you. Evidence does not support this approach, which is why many places have moved away from unnecessary delays
You are in a bad place mentally, and there is a good chance that gender dysphoria is the main cause. Sometimes people have no choice but to come out and affirm their gender, as they are unable to even function otherwise.
I thought I could delay coming out, but I just hadn’t realized how bad things were. More importantly, I never realized how good things would be once I left that worn out mask behind. It really held me back from everything. My fears were nothing in comparison to the horror I was living, and the joys were more than I dreamed.
yisyis well — i kno that its thad bad. i cn see it. i kno thad gender dysphoria is genuinely having major bad impacts on my life and no positive ones
sad things
n jus to mek it clear: i hav nt shared any of these with therapist. thads whad i mean by me not sharin much with her, and thad im talkin way diffrent when talkin german n stuff… when i say it in grmn it sounds lik im makin stuff up to appear depressed. which i rlli hate. so i dun
No need to make up being unfathomably miserable when gender dysphoria is clearly killing you. You cannot carry on like this, so please just tell your therapist every bit of the truth. If they refuse to believe you, they are completely failing at their jobs and are a disgrace to the practice.
i feel u r assumin thad shes gonna not believ me. bt she certainli is. im jus rlli bad at communicatin stuffsies lik dis…
lik - shed certainli not go “haha yea no, dun overdo it now”, she always believed whad i said ~