23 year old AMAB. All my life, I’ve considered myself cisgender, but recently, I’ve begun questioning that. I’ll sometimes see posts like “if a potion/pill/button existed that could turn you into the opposite sex, would you use it?” and think to myself “Yeah, I’d be down to at least try that.” I know that doesn’t automatically make me trans, but it does make me question.
At the same time, however, I get a lot of euphoria from presenting as a man. When I start questioning my gender, I’ll look in the mirror, or at pictures of myself, and think “I look good with this masculine hairstyle”, “I like getting dressed up in a suit and tie”, or “I want to try growing a beard”. And the idea of being a father someday does bring me a lot of joy.
I’ve done a bit of research already, and based on my experience, I think I’ve narrowed my possible identities down to two options.
- Cisgender male who is just curious about the female experience
- Demiboy with a secondary identity of female
The thing is that I’m not sure where to go from here. This isn’t exactly a problem, since I feel no dysphoria when presenting as a male, so am comfortable living as cis in the meantime. But I would like to figure this out at some point, ideally sooner than later. Do any of you have any suggestions?
Side note: I’m currently living with my parents, and while they’re generally nice people, they hold some pretty transphobic views. I do expect to move out sooner than later, but anything that would require a totally safe physical space might have to wait.
I’m also AMAB, but have recently started to question as well. I’ve been gravitating towards non-binary. There’s not much I generally like that much about being a man. But I don’t also want to be a woman, per se, although I do enjoy some feminine things. I’ve spent my whole live being shoved into boxes I don’t necessarily like being in and now I’m at the point where I want to define for myself, what want and where I stand.
As far as gender expression goes, my best friend has helped me find the courage to try different clothes that express myself more. I’ve gained quite some weight over the years, which has resulted in a lot of body dismorphia, more than I already had. I do want to wear some more feminine clothing, but that does seem to intensify that. And started new medication since those years that partly caused this and I’m too depressed and have too little energy to do much about it. But I’m making small steps.
Apart of feeling shame of what men are generally responsible for in society. This more explains why I’ve always been more or less uncomfortable being a man in any sense of it.
I’m also terrible insecure and really need to find my identity in the broad sense of the word. It’s the only way I’ll be able to find some footing.
I hope you find what you’re looking for. The journey is interested nonetheless.
Oh and the thing about attraction. For me now it’s generally femme-presenting people. There is an encompassing label for it, nb people liking femme-presenting people but I mean nobody knows it and I’d have to look it up haha.
We’ll get there :D.