What word would be the equivalent for sir or ma’am for a person not in the gender norm. I like greeting strangers with it while working retail & have always wondered what would be the right why to respond to someone who did not want to be called either sir or ma’am.

  • entropyEnglish
    5·
    22 hours ago

    While I don’t think there is an obvious drop-in replacement yet, I’m sure some consensus will eventually happen (as has been forming for the use of “Mx./Mixes” for the Mr/Ms dichotomy).

    Honestly though? I think honorifics are not a strictly necessary part of language. Like day-to-day I usually do…

    1. For getting the attention of a person you don’t know the name of, consider “excuse me” or “pardon” in formal/service contexts and “hey!” or “hello!” in more informal ones
    2. For speaking to someone authoritatively (i.e. “Ma’am, you are now charged with…” or “Sir, you will have to leave the Wendy’s”) you can just omit the honorific entirely and replace it with some other polite particle (like “Sorry,” or “I’m afraid that…”)
    3. For speaking to someone who has authority over you (“Sir, with all due respect…”) you could address them by the title that confers that authority, or simply omit any honorifics and address them in a more peer-to-peer fashion.

    Ultimately honorifics fill a more antiquated role of recognizing and placing yourself in a hierarchy, either below or above the other person, and maybe that’s not a good thing. For example, using them often is a lot of the (perhaps unnecessary) emotional labour of service jobs. So if we’re altering our language then perhaps just shifting away from them is the correct way forward. That’s just my opinion though :)

    • mlegstrong@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      4·
      22 hours ago

      I have seen Mix thrown around online but it doesn’t seem any more common then a lot of the other honorific suggestions I’ve seen.

      I disagree with the removal honorifics in language. I get we don’t have lords & ladies anymore but I’ve found making anyone I help feel like one has led to me getting more orders filled. I understand why some people don’t want them personally but I think it would be a shame to throw the baby out with the bathwater cuz the norms don’t yet include everyone.

      • entropyEnglish
        4·
        21 hours ago

        Yeah I’m not really starkly in favour of a removal or anything, just pitching that as my opinion :)

        That said, I think it’s super possible to provide good service to people without honorifics! Making people feel respected is more than just saying a specific word a bunch of times, like maybe you’re getting a positive result out of customers just because saying those honorifics put you into the frame of mind of being nice to them and taking them seriously.

        IMO it’s entirely possible to talk super fancy with a dozen "sir"s or whatever and be intensely rude (look up British MPs insulting each other as a potential example). Conversely I think it’s possible to be extremely hospitable with rustic, informal language. Singular particles are not really the end of language, it’s the greater action and meaning that matter way more.