I wanted to share a personal experience I’ve had with my roommate and close friend, to see if anyone else has been through something similar or has advice on how to handle this situation.
It all started in 2023, when I entered college. My friend (let’s call him “Alex”) and I became roommates from freshman year. Alex is bisexual, although I didn’t know that at the time. We got along really well from the start, and living together was pretty normal. Back then, I had a girlfriend, and Alex always gave us space when we needed privacy in the room.
My girlfriend and I broke up. After that, the dynamic between Alex and I changed. We spent a lot of time together in the room, and over time we became more comfortable with our intimacy. There were a couple of times when we caught each other masturbating, but instead of it being awkward, we talked about it and normalized it. By the end of 2023, we were already so comfortable that we could stand in our underwear in front of each other and even change clothes without any problems.
In 2024, things took a more intense turn. One night, after a tiring day of studying, we decided to smoke weed. It was my first time doing it, although Alex was already experienced. We were watching an episode of Game of Thrones when suddenly, we ended up watching porn together. We started masturbating at the same time, and at one point, Alex touched me and I touched him. He ended up masturbating me until I came. The next day, we talked about it and we both agreed that it wasn’t awkward, although it was a little weird.
After that, we started watching porn together more often, but without touching each other. However, our senior year of college, we decided to become roommates again. During that year, the dynamic intensified. We started masturbating each other from time to time, and while it was sporadic at first, it eventually became more frequent.
After graduating, we decided to continue living together to save on rent. That year, Alex confessed to me that he was bisexual, although he clarified that he was not attracted to me. At the time, I felt a little rejected, I don’t know why, but we talked about it and got over it.
We decided to do adult content together again, but this time more explicit. We recorded videos of each other masturbating, and on one occasion, Alex gave me a blowjob. While I enjoyed the experience, I still don’t consider myself gay or bisexual. I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction towards men in general, or Alex in particular. He’s also made it clear that he’s not attracted to me, and we’ve both set clear boundaries in our relationship.
Now, in 2025, we still live together and occasionally make content together, but always respecting our boundaries. However, Alex recently made me a proposition that has me thinking. He told me that we could do anal penetration content, and that he’d be willing to have me fuck him. For me, that’s already a boundary I’m not sure I want to cross. While I enjoy the dynamic we have, I feel like this could change things between us.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you guys handle the line between friendship and physical intimacy? Do you think crossing this boundary could affect our friendship in the long run? I appreciate any advice or insight. Thanks for reading.
I’m not a dude. :-)
To me someone is gay if any kind of same-sex attraction or intimacy is a possibility for them, including same-sex people enjoying casual sex together. A man blowing another man through a glory hole is gay, for example, even if they never see one another’s faces, have no romance or love, etc. It’s not so much the inherent act being homosexual that then gives the people the property of being homosexuals, but the other way around: because the people are gay, same-sex intimacy is possible.
There shouldn’t be any fear in exploring, there is no real pressure to identify in any particular way (other than the obvious pressure to be straight, of course). I think a straight person who tries gay sex though will find quickly that they don’t enjoy it, otherwise it certainly opens questions about how straight that person is if they enjoy same-sex intimacy. Either way, plenty of gay people remain closeted or refuse to acknowledge they are gay. That process of self-awareness and willingness to acknowledge one’s capacity for same-sex attraction is often difficult and takes many people a long time to accept, let alone be open or public about.
Also, sexuality is complicated, some people have trouble feeling romantic feelings for same-sex individuals but don’t have as much difficulty with sex, and sometimes it’s the other way around. People come up with all sorts of terms to describe these differences, for example “pansexual heteroromantic” is a label that means a person is open to sex with any gender, but only open to romantic relationships with opposite sex individuals.
EDIT: thought I should say, I was only browsing All looking for new comments and this thread caught my eye, I’m not subscribed to the GayBros community as a woman or anything 😅
Now I get it, you’re not a guy, you can’t say things about us if you’re not one of us, it’s just something you think and believe, but I’m telling you now that the stereotype you have in your mind is completely false, I literally don’t know a single straight guy [my entire group of friends who are straight] who refuses a blowjob, no matter where he comes from, he’ll always accept if he’s horny. And let me tell you that what you’re saying is extremely transphobic, a straight guy dating a trans girl is not gay sex… it’s straight sex, in your concept of homosexuality you confuse sex and gender.
You should actually talk to your straight friends and ask them if they would receive a blowjob from a dude - you might be surprised to learn straight guys don’t like to have sex with men. This is so obvious it doesn’t need to be said, and it doesn’t require being a man to understand.
Read about the gay panic defense I linked to further up, straight men usually respond to same-sex intimacy directed to them with violence. This is empirical.
Also, a straight man dating a trans girl is not a same-sex relationship, as you have already pointed out. Nothing I said indicated otherwise, and it’s bizarre to me that you accuse me of transphobia out of nowhere. What is transphobic is considering a trans woman to be a man, an interpretation you are posing and putting in my mouth.
Increasingly your interactions with me come across as hostile, but I don’t think I’ve been hostile to you …
How could I not accuse you of transphobia if you said that if a man had sex with someone of the same sex he was gay… a cis man and a trans woman have the same sex, crumb…
I recommend that you look up the difference between sex and gender, knowing the differences your argument falls.
I inform you that sex is biological and gender is social. You probably meant to say “if a man has sex with someone of the same gender he is gay” which is true, but there are gay couples of a cis man and a trans boy, just like heterosexual couples of a cis boy and a trans woman… your argument which only consists of “if you have sex with someone with whom you share genitals, it makes you gay” your theory falls apart.
You can be a gay boy and fuck a pussy and it doesn’t mean that you are straight.
I don’t understand how you don’t understand it.
Yes, I obviously was using sex and gender interchangeably and trans people were not part of the discussion until you raised them, nor is there much of a reason to raise a sex / gender difference in our conversation. Nothing about trans people problematizes my views, and at this point it seems like you are using this as a distraction so you don’t have to address what I said about the capacity for same-sex intimacy being largely what categorizes someone as gay.
You should know that referring to a trans woman as being “biologically male” is inaccurate. Sex itself doesn’t cleanly divide into two categories, and trans women often have female biological traits, including hormonal, genital and even sometimes genetic traits. Another example of how trans women are not “biologically male” is that even without taking estrogen, trans women have brains that are more like cis women than cis men. Characterizing a straight man and a trans woman couple as “same-sex” but “opposite-gender” is misleading and transphobic. It might be better to think of trans women as or becoming female rather than as essentially male.
At this point it feels like you aren’t being particularly serious in the conversation, so this is where I say goodbye.
I hope you and your friend are able to figure things out together. ❤️