She acknowledged that I did talk to her about it beforehand, but hasn’t been able to properly process it yet.

We’re OK, I’m just venting.

  • OldEggNewTricksOP
    16·
    8 days ago

    No problem. I wondered about the same thing until it turned out I was the trans one :P

    There are lots of ways coming out could have gone horribly wrong, but I figured there were three “right” options.

    1. Wife isn’t interested in being married to a woman. Fair enough; result is an amicable split, presumably sharing child-raising responsibilities.
    2. Wife not attracted to women but wants to stay together. Continue to cohabit as some kind of non-sexual family unit, possibly seeing other people on the side.
    3. Wife realizes she’s bi / willing to make an exception. Lesbian partners!

    I guess I was prepared for 1, expecting 2, and hoping for 3. Currently at 2, but it could go either way.

    In any event, I think it’s unreasonable to expect someone who needs to transition to put it off for the sake of their partner, although not every trans person needs to transition.

    • Croquette@sh.itjust.works
      6·
      8 days ago

      Thank you for taking the time to respond.

      When i read stories like that, it feels like women are much more accepting that their husband/boyfriend is trans than the flip side. This is totally unsubstantiated though, so take it for what it is : an uneducated opinion.

      I absolutely agree with you that a trans person shouldn’t put it off for their partner, but it must feel scary as fuck to come to term with that and telling your partner. It’s a big leap and I have nothing but admiration for people being this honest with themselves.

      Kudos to you and I wish you the best.

      • OldEggNewTricksOP
        4·
        7 days ago

        Thanks!

        I suspect the difficulty some men may have with accepting a trans partner is due to internalized homophobia / toxic masculinity. It’s very easy to think “of course I’m not bi / trans / whatever” without ever actually considering the possibility (at least it was in my case). The same can apply to women, of course, but perhaps women culturally face a little less pressure in that respect at least?

        And you are exactly right: coming out, even just to myself at first, was scary as fuck. But worth it!