It’s one thing to have someone online say they care about you and intellectually accept it and another to have someone casually hold on and make you feel ok
I hate balancing the mental equation of “how much do I hurt now vs how much could I hurt really trying to find someone and failing” and wondering if I’m even really capable of accepting affection
Being torn by desperately not wanting to hurt people and being terrified they’ll like me more than I like them while simultaneously being way too attached to anyone who shows me affection
Knowing odds are very good the more someone gets to know me the less they’ll like me
Knowing that if I miraculously find someone I’m compatible with I just don’t have the energy to put into a relationship to make it work
Personally, I’m done trying. I know you’ll get there though, you have an incrediblely tenacious spirit, of my chats with you are anything to go by
I do have tenacity, but I wasn’t born with it. My spirit was next to nonexistent for most of my life, ravaged by dysphoria and self hatred. Getting a hold on my dysphoria might’ve been essential to building myself, but it wasn’t the only part. To truly want to fight for myself, I needed to love myself.
Preach sister
It’s one thing to have someone online say they care about you and intellectually accept it and another to have someone casually hold on and make you feel ok
I hate balancing the mental equation of “how much do I hurt now vs how much could I hurt really trying to find someone and failing” and wondering if I’m even really capable of accepting affection
Being torn by desperately not wanting to hurt people and being terrified they’ll like me more than I like them while simultaneously being way too attached to anyone who shows me affection
Knowing odds are very good the more someone gets to know me the less they’ll like me
Knowing that if I miraculously find someone I’m compatible with I just don’t have the energy to put into a relationship to make it work
Personally, I’m done trying. I know you’ll get there though, you have an incrediblely tenacious spirit, of my chats with you are anything to go by
I do have tenacity, but I wasn’t born with it. My spirit was next to nonexistent for most of my life, ravaged by dysphoria and self hatred. Getting a hold on my dysphoria might’ve been essential to building myself, but it wasn’t the only part. To truly want to fight for myself, I needed to love myself.