Warning: The content of this post might be troubling, especially to those with a sensitivity to nightmares or suicide.
I have nightmares that turn into meta-nightmares. I will be in a dream and something threatening is trying to get me. I notice that what is happening is unrealistic or nonsensical, so I tell myself I’m in a nightmare and try to wake myself up. I try yelling as loud as possible, shaking, slapping myself awake, and just telling myself over and over to wake up. I even dream that in my bed in my bedroom fighting through sleep paralysis while trying waking up, while the threat is coming to my bedroom. It’s terrifying. Many times, I wake up happy I was able to finally escape the nightmare, only to realize I’m actually still asleep and the nightmare resumes. It’s very exhausting and disappointing because I will go through many cycles per night (up to 10 times) of thinking I wake up only to be in the nightmare again. It’s like I learn to not be hopeful that it’s over.
On a few occasions where the threat was so severe that I rather die, I have killed myself in the dream, and that works but it is terrifying and I wake up as if it were really happening. I wake up breathing heavily, sweating, super confused, and scared to go back to sleep again. It’s like I’m checking if everything is real and having to come to terms that I just committed suicide in my dreams. This only happens when I know I am going to die in the nightmare and rather end it on my own terms. So while it works, it’s not really an option in nightmares where the threat isn’t certain death since they seem so real in the moment. I also don’t want to build a mental habit of committing suicide every time I’m scared for obvious reasons.
In general, the nightmares seem to come in episodes of a few months. They then go away seemingly out of nowhere, and I’m back to normal dreams. I’m currently in the beginning of a new episode, so I’m trying to prepare for the next few months. I don’t have the option to speak with a therapist. I’m looking for remedy that I can employ myself. It can be anything, but I really enjoy learning, so if there is a book or skill recommendation, I would highly appreciate it!
Any tips on how to wake up during nightmares or any other remedies?
As someone who has suffered from night terrors and other disturbingly vivid dreams, I would recommend starting to do “wake checks”.
Set an alarm on your phone to go off every few hours at random times during the day. When the alarm goes off, do something that produces a reliable result, like turning a light on/off, turning on a faucet, checking the time on a clock, or pinching yourself. Make your checks as varied as possible, and do them in a different order from day to day, because you don’t want the results to become part of a pattern.
Once you are in the habit of doing that, start doing those checks any time something ‘out of the norm’ happens. What ‘out of the norm’ means is up to you, but essentially any time you think that something is weird or out of place, do a check. What you are doing is training yourself to check whether you are in reality or not.
Once you start doing that, you will probably continue that habit when you end up in a dream. However, these checks will not produce reliable results when you do them in a dream. Turning on the faucet won’t make it give water, the time will change drastically, lights won’t turn on when you flip the switch, etc. These are now your cues to see if you are awake or not. If one of these things ever DOES start to give reliable results in a dream, stop using it immediately and substitute a different one.
Once you have a way of determining if you are awake or not, you have a way to wake up. Most people wake up after realizing they are in a dream, and even if you don’t, realizing you are dreaming should result in a massive shift in what is happening in the dream.
One warning though: if you have night terrors where you end up paralyzed, you will want to have a contingency plan. My night terrors usually started in a situation where I was unable to move, and that is the main reason I struggled with them for over a decade. The only thing that helped there was meditation where I would focus on “feeling” my fingers and toes and how they moved, and then getting myself in the habit of using that meditation as an anxiety response. Doing that in a dream will usually end up waking me up because it forces my brain to focus and eventually move my body irl.
I’m starting these wake checks today! Hopefully, I can get them to happen in a dream before it goes into nightmare mode. Once in nightmare mode, I can’t tell if I’m in a dream or not because they seem so real and I’m overwhelmed with fear which makes thinking difficult. Appreciate the response and hopefully you’re doing better with your sleep!
I’ve got 1 dream check, that’s fairly reliable, when I need it. I check my back pocket for “heavy weapons”. Basically, think cartoon “hammer space”. It’s an almost unnoticeable check when awake, that doesn’t do anything. In a dream state however, an ak47, or a bazooka is to hand.
This is particularly effective against nightmares. My subconscious happily accepts that I can pull whatever cartoon doodad I need out of my back pocket. This let’s me jam nightmares. I’ve not had one since I trained myself to do this a couple of decades back.
The 1 trick to note, you need to “believe” on some level that it will work. It’s akin to accepting a film. You know they are just actors and CGI, but you accept it as real. This belief gives it power in your dreams.