I’ll do what I can (I do proof read my comments and I always seem to miss things) but with how my brain processes info and holds info it’s a hurdle for sure.
I don’t want to write a novel as reply explaining how my brain processes info here but how little my brain holds gender info or processes it, it’s like sand in a collander.
Like I’ll be hammering a reply, the info slips out of my brain, and due to using gender neutral / agnostic pronouns for people by default I switch to using them without noticing. And then it slips through the proof reading process as the info is gone at that point.
Like if you’ve seen that video that went viral like a decade ago where people where the premise is “follow the basketball” and a dude dressed as a gorilla walks through the middle, and no one notices the gorilla when watching the video, it’s kinda like that. I focus on the conversation topic and engaging with the other person, and rest of the info falls away.
It’s kinda hard to explain (though I did write many novel elsewhere about it)
I hope I don’t catch any strays from a mod because that info just doesn’t get held in my brain, but given enough time I’ll probably catch at least 1.
Edit: I think I came up with an idea on how to voice my thinking but bear with me it’s odd. Say there’s 3 people, 1 is colorblind (monochromatic), 1 says there’s only a handful of colors and the rest are confused, and the third says there’s a color spectrum. The monochromatic colorblind person agrees with the person who says there’s a spectrum (basically everything is a spectrum, why not color?) but due to not seeing color defaults to refering to things in generic ways. Would you say the colorblind person is an ally to the person saying there’s a spectrum or would you say that they’re an ally to the person saying there’s only a small number of colors and the rest are confused?
I’m basically the monochromatic colorblind person in this scenario. It’s Greek to me.
If someone tells you the way you’re addressing them is making them uncomfortable, change the way you’re addressing. You don’t need to be perfect, you need to try, and you need to be willing to fix your slip ups when they happen
If someone makes it clear they’re not comfortable with the way you’re addressing them, change the way you address them. If you can’t change the way you address them without making yourself uncomfortable, then stop engaging with the person in question
Which is fine, until you know someones pronouns. At which point, continuing to use they/them becomes an issue that will get moderator action.
I’ll do what I can (I do proof read my comments and I always seem to miss things) but with how my brain processes info and holds info it’s a hurdle for sure.
I don’t want to write a novel as reply explaining how my brain processes info here but how little my brain holds gender info or processes it, it’s like sand in a collander.
Like I’ll be hammering a reply, the info slips out of my brain, and due to using gender neutral / agnostic pronouns for people by default I switch to using them without noticing. And then it slips through the proof reading process as the info is gone at that point.
Like if you’ve seen that video that went viral like a decade ago where people where the premise is “follow the basketball” and a dude dressed as a gorilla walks through the middle, and no one notices the gorilla when watching the video, it’s kinda like that. I focus on the conversation topic and engaging with the other person, and rest of the info falls away.
It’s kinda hard to explain (though I did write many novel elsewhere about it)
I hope I don’t catch any strays from a mod because that info just doesn’t get held in my brain, but given enough time I’ll probably catch at least 1.
Edit: I think I came up with an idea on how to voice my thinking but bear with me it’s odd. Say there’s 3 people, 1 is colorblind (monochromatic), 1 says there’s only a handful of colors and the rest are confused, and the third says there’s a color spectrum. The monochromatic colorblind person agrees with the person who says there’s a spectrum (basically everything is a spectrum, why not color?) but due to not seeing color defaults to refering to things in generic ways. Would you say the colorblind person is an ally to the person saying there’s a spectrum or would you say that they’re an ally to the person saying there’s only a small number of colors and the rest are confused?
I’m basically the monochromatic colorblind person in this scenario. It’s Greek to me.
If someone tells you the way you’re addressing them is making them uncomfortable, change the way you’re addressing. You don’t need to be perfect, you need to try, and you need to be willing to fix your slip ups when they happen
What about names? If I decide then and there not to use pronouns at all, and instead refer to that person by name, how would that weigh?
How about “that person” or “that user”?
If someone makes it clear they’re not comfortable with the way you’re addressing them, change the way you address them. If you can’t change the way you address them without making yourself uncomfortable, then stop engaging with the person in question
As long as they haven’t expressed discomfort at being referred to using regular nouns, then. Good to know!