Meanwhile, coming out the other side of your mouth:
You insist on dictating what is a valid thing to want to be called, and and outright proclaim your intent to disrespect anyone outside of that, literally because you don’t care enough. While over here justifying yourself by finding reasons they’re bad or irrational people, or why you personally don’t feel their gender is valid, and ultimately hiding behind your own feelings about your own gender as if it should your shitty bigoted take more palatable. Adding a third option doesn’t make you more tolerant when you’re still insisting everyone keep their identities in your comfort zone.
Nothing they said there seems unreasonable. They/them seems like a perfectly normal (and more importantly neutral) default way of referring to people. If I was in person with someone, and they started throwing a fit because I defaulted to they/them for them (which I usually do), I would assume they were a bigot who doesn’t understand pronouns.
Not saying that’s the case with these other people, but I believe there’s a reasonable limitation on how much you can expect strangers to assume/understand on first meeting.
… especially on lemmy, where the usernames are visible, but not really emphasized. It’s a different story on people-centered platform, like Mastodon, or Bluesky. But I prefer not to know the usernames already on lemmy.
The problem lies with users who default to they/them even after being informed of the correct pronouns, especially users who continue to do so in the same comment thread. Making mistakes is going to happen, but quickly apologizing (even if you’re arguing) and editing your message to resolve the mistake is the bare minimum. Even as a mod I really only recognize a few users and remember their pronouns (honestly, mostly because they overuse the reporting system), but when I engage with or talk about users I check profiles to see if any pronouns are posted in the bio. This is a trans-inclusive queer instance, respecting gender identity (YES EVEN CIS-HETERO PEOPLE) is incredibly important.
You say I’m intending to disrespect others but that isn’t my intent at all, as even in my comment there I make my intent clear. My intent is to interact in “small talk” kind of way with people online as that is how I see online interactions. Small talk. And small talk doesn’t require exchanging names to function properly.
In terms of respecting identies, I’m fully willing to respect people’s genders.
When it comes to transhumanism that’s where I start getting a bit wishy washy and I need to do some more pondering on. At this point my thinking is basically, “If you’re identifying as a living thing then IDGAF. You’re you, I’m me, and my brain is about as organized and focused as a garbage dump. I’m probably going to forget in general on most things so I hope you’re okay with ‘they/them’ and other generic ways of referring to you.”
Identifying as non-living things though is where I get a hang up. You’re a living breathing critter on this miserable little mudball suspended in a sunbeam.
As an example: I blocked Drag for being an ass not for what they identify as. My interactions with them were limited but highly abrasive. I haven’t blocked Grail because, though I think identifying as a goddess is something I don’t support, They’re not enough of an ass (behavior wise) to warrant blocking yet. My interactions with them have been limited and mild in general.
They/them are gender neutral / agnostic pronouns for referring to other, typically, living things both singular and plural. I make heavy use of them as they’re easy. Much like how I refer to groups as “Y’all” and “Folks”, or when greeting specific people IRL as “friend” or “bud”.
I see interacting with people online the same way I see interacting with people on the bus or at work, typically fleeting and likely never going to interact with that person again. And interactions happening to the point I learn someone’s name is, at best, rare.
Edit: Hopefully that makes sense? I am trying to be clear on my feelings on things. If not, I’m willing to continue chatting about it.
The fuck is wrong with you to try to make they/them, a gender neutral term to use when you don’t know gender or pronoun preference of someone, a bad thing to use just 'cause…
no, the bad thing is doubling down on “nah, you get the pronouns i pick for you” after being informed. this user sticking their fingers in their ears and crying about ignorance is a red herring argument to set up some DARVO shit.
Meanwhile, coming out the other side of your mouth:
You insist on dictating what is a valid thing to want to be called, and and outright proclaim your intent to disrespect anyone outside of that, literally because you don’t care enough. While over here justifying yourself by finding reasons they’re bad or irrational people, or why you personally don’t feel their gender is valid, and ultimately hiding behind your own feelings about your own gender as if it should your shitty bigoted take more palatable. Adding a third option doesn’t make you more tolerant when you’re still insisting everyone keep their identities in your comfort zone.
Nothing they said there seems unreasonable. They/them seems like a perfectly normal (and more importantly neutral) default way of referring to people. If I was in person with someone, and they started throwing a fit because I defaulted to they/them for them (which I usually do), I would assume they were a bigot who doesn’t understand pronouns.
Not saying that’s the case with these other people, but I believe there’s a reasonable limitation on how much you can expect strangers to assume/understand on first meeting.
… especially on lemmy, where the usernames are visible, but not really emphasized. It’s a different story on people-centered platform, like Mastodon, or Bluesky. But I prefer not to know the usernames already on lemmy.
The problem lies with users who default to they/them even after being informed of the correct pronouns, especially users who continue to do so in the same comment thread. Making mistakes is going to happen, but quickly apologizing (even if you’re arguing) and editing your message to resolve the mistake is the bare minimum. Even as a mod I really only recognize a few users and remember their pronouns (honestly, mostly because they overuse the reporting system), but when I engage with or talk about users I check profiles to see if any pronouns are posted in the bio. This is a trans-inclusive queer instance, respecting gender identity (YES EVEN CIS-HETERO PEOPLE) is incredibly important.
You say I’m intending to disrespect others but that isn’t my intent at all, as even in my comment there I make my intent clear. My intent is to interact in “small talk” kind of way with people online as that is how I see online interactions. Small talk. And small talk doesn’t require exchanging names to function properly.
In terms of respecting identies, I’m fully willing to respect people’s genders.
When it comes to transhumanism that’s where I start getting a bit wishy washy and I need to do some more pondering on. At this point my thinking is basically, “If you’re identifying as a living thing then IDGAF. You’re you, I’m me, and my brain is about as organized and focused as a garbage dump. I’m probably going to forget in general on most things so I hope you’re okay with ‘they/them’ and other generic ways of referring to you.”
Identifying as non-living things though is where I get a hang up. You’re a living breathing critter on this miserable little mudball suspended in a sunbeam.
As an example: I blocked Drag for being an ass not for what they identify as. My interactions with them were limited but highly abrasive. I haven’t blocked Grail because, though I think identifying as a goddess is something I don’t support, They’re not enough of an ass (behavior wise) to warrant blocking yet. My interactions with them have been limited and mild in general.
They/them are gender neutral / agnostic pronouns for referring to other, typically, living things both singular and plural. I make heavy use of them as they’re easy. Much like how I refer to groups as “Y’all” and “Folks”, or when greeting specific people IRL as “friend” or “bud”.
I see interacting with people online the same way I see interacting with people on the bus or at work, typically fleeting and likely never going to interact with that person again. And interactions happening to the point I learn someone’s name is, at best, rare.
Edit: Hopefully that makes sense? I am trying to be clear on my feelings on things. If not, I’m willing to continue chatting about it.
“i’m fully willing to respect peoples’ genders”
goes on to explain in detail why some peoples’ genders don’t merit respect
continues pretending it’s fine to they/them someone who specifically asked for different pronouns
yeah im done here
The fuck is wrong with you to try to make they/them, a gender neutral term to use when you don’t know gender or pronoun preference of someone, a bad thing to use just 'cause…
no, the bad thing is doubling down on “nah, you get the pronouns i pick for you” after being informed. this user sticking their fingers in their ears and crying about ignorance is a red herring argument to set up some DARVO shit.