Ive been thinking about it fir a while, but i think i really want it. It feels strange still being so early on. Ive inly started hrt 8 months ago, but i really want it. And i want ffs. Its like the floodgates broke open and i want as much as i can get.
I haven’t had FFS or GRS yet, but I’ve been on hormones for a while.
before HRT I was pretty depressed, the culprit was the fact that no matter what I did my body got worse (more masculine). For example: I hated shaving because I had to, I was horrified that shaving might make my beard grow faster (it doesn’t but it does make it more visible), so for years I would pluck it out in the hopes that it would slow down and stop spreading but it kept creeping up to other areas of my face. I couldn’t do anything .
That wasn’t the only thing, my face, my hairline, my body, my voice, everything was always getting worse.
TW
I genuinely thought about committing suicide.
At one point it genuinely got really bad and I decided that I would stop living as others expected me to, that day I started transitioning, I came out to my parents about two months later and 3.5 months after that I started HRT.
Starting HRT is really magical the first day you’re super excited but nothing really happens for like 48h, then if the treatment is correct (correct dosage) you start to feel pretty tired for a week or two, this is because testosterone kinda acts like caffeine in a way and gives you a lot of energy, you get used to it fast though and then the changes start coming in. More importantly though, you know for sure at that point that things aren’t getting any worse and that probably is the most HRT will do for your mental health.
Mentally the first month was a roller-coaster going from “Yipee i got HRT!!! 🎉” to “is this thing even working?☹️” (it is working it’s just slow, manage your expectations!), estradiol kicks in and suddenly you feel things it’s strange but stuff feels more vibrant, music(for me) became insanely good one day and I’ve been listening to so much music since, it’s crazy. That could 100% be because I was less depressed but I have a feeling it’s not only that.
Then the physical changes start, you actually don’t notice them, but I just took pictures every month an yeah things are definitely changing so that feels really good! It does feel unreal, like I have boobs now that’s the coolest shit ever!!! you get used to your body but things like hips and breasts still amaze me when I see them.
I’m not fully where I want to be but I actually kinda like my body and I would have told you that was impossible a few years back.
Thanks for the thorough description. I guess that no matter what you do, if you don’t feel good in your body, then nothing will matter until the issue is fixed.
It’s hard for me to grasp the emotion of feeling like my body isn’t really my body, if that makes any sense. But your description at least makes it a little bit easier to grasp.