howdy gang, i keep seeing this community in the trending communities thing and it being empty was annoying me, so here’s my super cool and awesome post. first btw.

i remember reading (and identifying with) relatively often on reddit how lots of ace people tended to flip-flop between feeling extremely aroace and feeling like they desperately want a partner of some kind, and i want to talk about it.

generally, i am fine most of the time - feeling like i’m living the way i want to live (with no partner) and that i’m not lacking anything in that regard. most of the time i feel like being on my own suits me and perfectly aligns with everything about my general being. very infrequently i get an intense desire to find a partner and share my life with someone in some capacity, but those are momentary and maybe last a day at the longest. i know i don’t actually want that for the long run and i’m perfectly happy on my own, but man sometimes those feelings are intense and confusing. kinda like i want the idea of a romantic lifelong relationship in that moment, but the details of how those things work and what they look like in reality are completely unappealing to me.

at some point, those intermittent feelings died down nearly completely and i want to attribute it to connecting more with friends and family, but i’m not a doctor so idk. i think if you feel this way and you know for sure you don’t actually want a partner, it might be coming from a lack of meaningful connection with friends/family. at least, that is how i see my unique situation. maybe that’s obvious (or wrong), idk i mostly just wanted to populate this community with something and maybe even get some discussion going.

anyway sorry about the blogpost, i guess i want to ask if anyone else here feels like some days they are mega aroace and other days the complete opposite? and do you find anything in particular helps you with it?

  • businessfishOPEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    i had never heard of relationship anarchy before and i find it very interesting - i may one day bring up the idea to some of my current friends. it would be nice to not be cast to the wayside when they find romantic partners because like you said, i hate it when that happens lol. and it can be tough going solo in an amato and allo normative world.

    as for QPRs, i think that might be a little bit beyond what i want out of friendship, but to relate it to what another commenter said: i would like to be close with friends slightly more than what many would consider “just friendship”, but definitely not romantic. the more i write and think about it the more i realize i just value my close friends and hope that they stay by my side for the foreseeable future. and heck, maybe even meet some new people too.

    i really appreciate the points you brought up, they did help :)